Haiti 2016-emotions

I have just returned from a week long mission trip to Cap-Haitian, Haiti. My emotions are high, I feel like I could just break down and cry. I missed my family and I am glad to be back home with them. But, on my drive to work today I wondered what my purpose for this day was. I go to my job and I sit and do my work. It isn't life altering work, just pushing paper.

Last week I was helping to fix a leaking roof on the Pastor's home so that other people could sleep in that room and serve our Lord in Haiti. Last week I saw the poorest people in the Western hemisphere go through their days with smiles on the faces because we were there working side by side with them to make repairs they don't have the means to do on their own. I am not always skilled at the jobs that need done but, I am able to hand tools & supplies where they are needed or learn how to do a new skill to help finish a job. I helped paint people's homes so that they feel a sense of pride in their tiny little homes. I was able to share a smile, a hug, hold a hand in solidarity with people who truly appreciate the work we were doing.

Now, I am back in the States with all my 1st world problems and it makes me sick. I would happily be right back there without hot water and intermittent electricity, no social media, no coffee shops on each corner, just as long as there are jobs to do to help others. People get after me for not helping more in the States. It is something you will never understand until you go to a 3rd world country. Even the poorest American has it better than these people.

I keep trying to put into words all that is weighing on my heart. To try and explain the inner turmoil I am experiencing. When I try to tell people the ideas I have they just sit quietly, probably thinking I am crazy for having these thoughts or they say negative things about why it just won't work. I don't understand why these things won't work. I am a person who would rather be doing than talking about doing. To make plans, set goals and get busy working on them. I am at a loss as where to start with this.

I believe God has called me to serve Him. Whether it is locally or abroad I feel Him pulling me to help others. Is what I am doing enough? I don't think so. I am going to start with prayer. I am going to search my heart and find out where God wants me to start. I just don't think one week a year is enough.

Rayna Sunset - a story of love & heartache

On June 30th I became a grandma or Gigi as I like to be called. It was a day of great joy for our family. Then almost a month later I received an email from our church that described a different outcome of a day that should have been the same joyfilled day as we had. For whatever reason God called this little girl home. We know that God's way is perfect but, that doesn't do anything to ease the pain we experience. My heart goes out to this family. I am sharing the mother's post (with permission) about her sweet angel in the hopes that it will help others dealing with the same heartache.

Our lives forever changed two weeks ago. On July 25th, while visiting my family in Iowa, I wasn't feeling our normally very active baby moving. We then went into the hospital as a precaution, where we found out our baby of 33 weeks did not have a heartbeat. After being induced into labor, we delivered Rayna Harlan Lindberg on July 27th at 9:26 am. She was 4 lbs 7 oz and 17 ¾” long... tall like her daddy and as beautiful as her mommy (according to Nick).

She is named Rayna because she was a ray of sunshine in our lives. Before we went to the hospital, there was an amazing sunset on the farm. Looking back, we think this was Rayna saying goodbye to us. Now, every time we see the sunset, we think of our Rayna. She was born in Harlan, IA, at the same hospital I was born in. We were blessed to have so many family members nearby, and many small town (and small world) touches made it clear that if our little girl had to die, we were in the right place... hence her middle name.

The past couple weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, each day bringing its own set of challenges. Nick and I are parents now, and we will always treasure the time we had with Rayna, and we want to talk about our daughter. We are also aware we are not alone in having lost our baby before she could take her first breath, that 1 in every 160 pregnancies ends in stillbirth. We hope sharing our story can be of help to others.

Our ask of you is:
1) Pray for the two of us and our families so we may find comfort in the midst of our grief
2) If you know someone who also has gone through this, give them a hug, send them an email, say a prayer for them... you never know how much you might be helping
3) Take pictures of sunsets and send them to us or post them using ‪#‎raynasunset‬ to help us remember Rayna's brightness.

A mutual friend posted this on the mother's FB wall and it was so touching I had to share 

(with permission, of course)

There were swaths of bended colored sky

The day baby Rayna said goodbye.

Clutch your heart and look up high

And warm your face til your tears are dry.

‪#‎RaynaSunset‬ From Toronto Island. From our hearts to yours.