Haiti 2016-emotions

I have just returned from a week long mission trip to Cap-Haitian, Haiti. My emotions are high, I feel like I could just break down and cry. I missed my family and I am glad to be back home with them. But, on my drive to work today I wondered what my purpose for this day was. I go to my job and I sit and do my work. It isn't life altering work, just pushing paper.

Last week I was helping to fix a leaking roof on the Pastor's home so that other people could sleep in that room and serve our Lord in Haiti. Last week I saw the poorest people in the Western hemisphere go through their days with smiles on the faces because we were there working side by side with them to make repairs they don't have the means to do on their own. I am not always skilled at the jobs that need done but, I am able to hand tools & supplies where they are needed or learn how to do a new skill to help finish a job. I helped paint people's homes so that they feel a sense of pride in their tiny little homes. I was able to share a smile, a hug, hold a hand in solidarity with people who truly appreciate the work we were doing.

Now, I am back in the States with all my 1st world problems and it makes me sick. I would happily be right back there without hot water and intermittent electricity, no social media, no coffee shops on each corner, just as long as there are jobs to do to help others. People get after me for not helping more in the States. It is something you will never understand until you go to a 3rd world country. Even the poorest American has it better than these people.

I keep trying to put into words all that is weighing on my heart. To try and explain the inner turmoil I am experiencing. When I try to tell people the ideas I have they just sit quietly, probably thinking I am crazy for having these thoughts or they say negative things about why it just won't work. I don't understand why these things won't work. I am a person who would rather be doing than talking about doing. To make plans, set goals and get busy working on them. I am at a loss as where to start with this.

I believe God has called me to serve Him. Whether it is locally or abroad I feel Him pulling me to help others. Is what I am doing enough? I don't think so. I am going to start with prayer. I am going to search my heart and find out where God wants me to start. I just don't think one week a year is enough.